Ego and I

If our I is the core of who we are and is our channel to the Sacred, then egoism, which usurps that I, is the core issue of the spiritual path. Imagine the flow of will, from the Divine Will down through Wisdom, through Conscience, through our I, who we are, and from there into our actions, inner and outer. Egoism is an aberrant blockage of that flow. Our ego steps into the stream of will, just below our I, steals the mantle of purpose that rightfully belongs to our I, diverts the flow of will, and bends it to self-centered intentions. The ego convinces the rest of us that it is the source of will, that it is who we are, that the world revolves around it, around us. Pointing to the simple evidence of the separateness of our bodies, the ego claims that it, that we, are separate from everyone else. But looking just beneath the surface reveals it all to be a sham.

The truth is that the ego has no substantive reality on any level: it is an illusion. This is the great teaching of the Buddha, the teaching of anatta, no self. Our ego is a self-generated construct of elements of our mind and emotions, abetted by the norms and views of the society around us. Every time we have the thought "I" it comes with the hidden assumption that it refers to something, to somebody, to me. We end up believing that the voice in our head that says "I" is who we are, or at least that it speaks for us.

But no thought is our true I. One approach to the problem of ego is to notice the thought "I" when it arises, to notice when you speak the word "I." Looking at it repeatedly and objectively, you start to realize it has no substance, there is nothing there. It is just a sound, whether in our mind or spoken out loud, on which we heap meaning that becomes less meaningful the more we see it for what it is: "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

When the thought "I" arises in us, we take it to refer to the center of this interlocking set of complex, programmed patterns in our mind and emotions, patterns that revolve around a supposed self, which we can call ego. The whole complex is centered on what we deem to be ourselves, rooted in our body, though not just our body. But that center is a transparent shell whose very emptiness cannot refute the ego pointers selling us the pretense that we are our ego, and that "I" and "mine" are all that matter. It is a self-referential, circular fallacy.

There is a real I in us. Ego does not negate our real I; it just hides it. Ego puts a mask over I. Sometimes, though, you are relaxed. Your thoughts slow down, maybe even stop. And without those mental pointers, the ego-house of cards wavers. There are no thoughts of I or me. You look around. You look within. Who is seeing this state of relaxation? Who is aware? You realize, that the one who is seeing this, that the one who is aware of this, that one must be the true me, the real I. And you allow that to be your center. Momentarily you become that. You live from that. You see and speak and act from that. You become yourself. You feel real.

Of course, until it is sufficiently weakened by repeatedly being seen for what it is, until it completely loses the capacity to fool us into believing in it, our ego can and does slip back in.

In the meantime, with practice, we come more and more into being ourselves, into our real I. We notice this particularly when we pay attention, intentional attention, moment to moment. We discover that we are our will, the silent one who, among other actions, directs our attention. Be the one who directs your attention. Be the one who sees what you see, hears what you hear, and does what you do. In other words, be yourself.

With work, you come into your true center, your I. Yet it is both personal and more than personal. It is your center and is centered everywhere. The deeper you go, you find your individual self, you become more yourself, and at the same time discover your fundamental identity with others. This greater Self is exactly the opposite of egoism. It is our own uniqueness and simultaneously our sameness, our oneness with everyone else. It transcends the categories of singular individuality and universal unity. In that I, in that greater Self, we live in harmony.

For this week, please notice your thoughts saying "I" or "me," and recognize that those are just sounds in your mind. Look to see whether they refer to something real. And practice being the one who directs your attention and does what you do.

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