Inner Work

For the week of August 4, 2008

Grief and Mourning

In the aftermath of the death of a loved one, feelings of profound grief and sorrow, sadness and loss come naturally and at times powerfully. These normal feelings certainly bear no shame, nor are they destructive. But after a time they may tend to fall over into self-pity, which benefits no one except our ego. Add to this the helplessness we feel when confronted by the finality of death, and depression may well follow. Or perhaps it all becomes anger at, or loss of faith in, God for allowing our dear one to die. Or we may feel remorse for what we did or did not do while the person was still alive.

So in this highly-charged, emotional condition, what can our inner work be? Fortunately, we have the possibility of transforming the difficult emotions surrounding death to the benefit of our loved one.

When thoughts or feelings about the person you have lost arise in your mind and heart, turn them to love. Let those feelings be a reminder that you can do something positive for your loved one. Channel those emotions into love and send it to the one who has passed on. This may actually help them in death. All our thoughts and emotions connected with the death, though they be insistent, strong, even overwhelming, do nothing for the loved one. But love can. When we send love, we send energy that helps strengthen them, reduce their confusion, and assist them in completing their journey. It also helps us avoid the degeneration of our natural feelings of grief, while empowering us to take action useful to our loved one.

This simple method has two parts. First, picture your loved one in your mind’s eye. Second, send love to the person represented by that image. You can practice this daily during a focused period of seated meditation. You can also practice this at moments during the day whenever your thoughts and feelings remind you of your loved one.

Because death takes a person beyond time into eternity, we can send love even many years after the death of our loved one, and the love we then send still benefits them. That action transcends time.

Sending love to the departed also transcends religion. Every religion has its own set of customs and practices regarding death, burial, and mourning. Engaging in the customs of our own religion certainly helps and comforts. Sending love complements and supports our religious practices, filling in the gaps.

For this week, practice sending love to one or more who have passed beyond this life.

May your loss deepen your love.

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