Preferences
Someone is speaking to me. A person I don’t like. He talks too much.
Inside I squirm. Outside I appear attentive and smile. I even nod or grunt
agreement occasionally, all the while looking for a graceful and quick, but to
my chagrin, nonexistent exit. I am lost in my antipathy to the situation. Anger
and resentment rear their heads in me. My desire to reject being here challenges
me. I feel stuck in this moment, in this place…
Or I am caught in a traffic jam, frustrated at the interminable delay. Or
the bakery, to my disappointment, has sold out of my favorite pastry. Or the
drain suddenly clogs and I must clear it somehow and my plans for the next hour
or two must be suspended — unhappily. Or I finally get a slice of that cake
and as I greedily eat a second slice my belly already begins to protest.
Like opinions, we need our preferences to live a normal, full life.
Delicious food is to be relished and appreciated. And like opinions, our freedom
may be measured in part by the degree to which we do not cling to our
preferences.
Can we relax when held up in
traffic? Or do our preferences drive us? Since no one can control his or her
life so completely as to never experience an unwanted situation, liberation lies
in the direction of freedom in front of preferences. Not freedom from
preferences. That would make us and life dull indeed. But rather, we seek the
ability to not be driven by preferences when unavoidable situations run counter
to them, to not lose ourselves in the inevitable frustration.
Notice when your preferences enslave you. Do you have your preferences or do they have you? Can you fully let go of particular preferences when necessary? If you can be free in the distasteful and awkward moments, in the grasping and rejecting moments, then a natural joy can infuse your life and your heart of kindness can open to your neighbor, warts and all.
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