Identity: Levels of Emptiness

(Introduction)

There comes a moment, perhaps in adolescence, but years in preparation, when we start to consciously wonder who we are, start to attempt to define ourselves intentionally, to be somebody, to be a distinct somebody, to be ourselves. But none of that is clear. And so begin years or even decades of looking for ourselves, creating ourselves, differentiating ourselves, discovering ourselves, and ignoring the issue of self. And it seems to work to some extent. We reach an accommodation with ourselves, accepting whatever we have come to about who we are, usually in terms of our physical and mental capabilities and our emotional attitudes, our likes and dislikes.

We have thoughts like: I love chocolate. I hate eggplant. I love music, dancing, and playing basketball. I have good friends and a couple of enemies. I have strong political opinions. I have a spouse and children. I have a car. I am educated or I am uneducated. I am rich, middle class, or poor, black, brown, or white, liberal or conservative. I was born on my birthday, in a particular place, to particular parents, each with their own biological inheritance, ancestral history, and life story. I have had certain strong experiences and have certain skills, strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. I have made or failed to make many decisions and continue to do so. Some turned out well, others not. I ignore my many inner contradictions.

All this conditioning boils down to a set of selves: the bodily self, the self of my perspective, the volitional self, the narrative self, and the social self [1]. Together they weave the mosaic tapestry that is my self-image. At first this is loosely held together by my body, which is singular, material, and consistent. Later, consciousness comes into play as the glue that binds this self. Later still, will becomes the central feature around which the self forms.

But this haphazardly constructed house of cards, which seems to be me, cannot withstand the scrutiny that reveals its many holes and inconsistencies. Even more importantly, this conditioned self blocks the view of who I really am. The latter begins to be revealed as the emptiness of the constructed self becomes increasingly evident. Then who we really are begins replacing what we incorrectly believed to be our self.

One useful and instructive approach, which can be pursued as a meditation, begins with relaxing into our body. Next, we notice our thoughts, without being taken by them, without furthering or rejecting them. We simply watch them come and go. We see our thoughts as just thoughts passing through. We notice our attitude of assuming these thoughts are who we are, assuming that they speak for us. We just sit and watch without being taken, without creating an identity out of our thoughts.

Next, we watch whatever comes into our awareness, be it thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, sounds, and so on. We just sit and watch without being taken. We watch it all come and go. We see our mind sorting, classifying, and reacting to all these impressions. We see our mind imputing the existence of a self behind all this action. We are seeing our self being generated in real time. We see its unreality, its emptiness.

After a time, we notice that behind all this watching is awareness itself, pure awareness prior to any content, also empty in itself. Resting in that pure awareness, we begin to realize an alternative way of being ourselves, being the awareness. We welcome that emptiness as freeing us from the unnecessary and false burden of being a self that is imputed from, abstracted from, implied by, our thoughts, emotions, and body.

In the coming weeks we will explore our identity in its various levels. Its emptiness at one level leads into the fullness of the next. As our inner work continues, our identity blossoms in unexpected ways. The discovery of our true identity is a journey, a spiritual journey, the journey of our life.

[1] See Also: The Fog of Self

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